


Stumbling Into (Damn Near) Perfect

by Hans_On



Series: Are We Really Getting Married? [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:09:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24515917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hans_On/pseuds/Hans_On
Summary: Dean just wants his family off his back. For his mom to stop worrying and Sam and Jess, though they mean well, to stop setting him up on dates. So he asks his roommate Cas to do him a solid and pretend to be his boyfriend for one family dinner. That turns into weekend get-togethers. And then Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's New Years before Dean realizes he's in much too deep and they need to break-up. So they plan a scene for a proposal gone bad - what could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Are We Really Getting Married? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771693
Comments: 23
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. So this is my first fiction to be published on AO3.
> 
> I happened to find this prompt on Tumblr - “We’re fake-dating and I’m supposed to publicly break up with you but you’ve been irritating me lately so instead of dumping you I publicly proposed to mess up your plan and now we’re getting married, fuck” AU. It dragged me into an alley and beat me up for two days and then after bundled me in a blanket and gave me tea and said if I was good to it we could be friends.
> 
> We're friends now.
> 
> It's let me have days off to work on other things and really plan it out but the first two days I was just writing like... yeah. So I'm doing a bad thing and posting this first chapter of this story without my beta having read it because she's doing me a solid with a monster I plopped in her lap last week. So any mistakes are mine.
> 
> I'm shooting for a bi-weekly posting schedule. If I can move it up I'll let you know but that's what we're working with for now. I guess the last thing I can leave you with is, enjoy?

Chapter One

Dean's just rolled back over to get some more shut-eye when he hears a clatter from the kitchen. For a minute he tenses, before he remembers.

'Roommate. New roommate.' It was just Novak, getting himself 'breakfast' before heading out probably. Dean flops onto his back again, attaining sleep again probably a lost cause as he thinks about joining Castiel for coffee.

Sam had moved out last month, moved in with his long-time girlfriend Jess - finally, and Dean had needed someone to split rent with. Fortunately for him Castiel Novak was one of Charlie's friends from work and she had said he needed a place to stay. He's kind of bummed he doesn't have sasquatch here with him anymore but he's glad he's found someone he can stand.

The past two weeks have actually been, more than tolerable, Dean admits as he rolls out of bed and pulls on pants. Apart from a clash of music taste and Cas' absolute lack of knowledge of anything pop culture, the company isn't half bad.

Dean pads out in sweats and yawns out a 'morning' before shuffling past him for the coffee pot. Castiel has his head buried in a folder scattered across their kitchen island, cradling a coffee cup in two hands like it's his firstborn kid. When he looks up at Dean, he gets a tick of an eyebrow and a brief once over before Cas grunts at him and returns to working.

This is just one reason why Dean actually likes the guy. He's not a goddamned morning person like Sam was. There's like a good twenty minutes of blessed silence and coffee consumption before Castiel speaks.

"I may be back late tonight." Sometimes he's still caught off guard when that voice comes out of that package. Cas looks like he should be a reclusive nerd, slight and messy-haired and with squinted vision when he wasn't wearing his contacts or glasses that made Dean suspect he was short sighted. However apart from being slightly taciturn, Cas was alright. The dude sounds though like he gargles rocks and smokes a pack a day, in a damned good way. He brushes off the jolt at Cas' pronouncement with that voice and waves a hand negligibly, taking his coffee with him to his home office nook. It's just a corner of their open space living room though so Cas can still hear him when he calls out. 

"Well, you have keys man. If it's a hot date just keep the volume down." Dean barely hears the snort from the kitchen that pulls his attention from his work, the architectural design he's working on for Sandover. "Hey, if it was just working late you wouldn't have felt the need to announce it."

"It is actually a work thing. But because Charlie believes I need to 'socialize' more, I'm supposed to stay until the end." Cas sounds very put out about that and Dean sticks his head back into the kitchen just to see the almighty frown on his face. Castiel's expressions are - well. Dean lives for them. "As a matter of fact, I am very sure you've had more dates in the two weeks I've been here than I've had in the past two months."

Oh, they were going there. Dean glares but all he gets in response is Cas' piercing blue stare of judging amusement. "Dude it's not like I made those plans! And I'm not trying to get laid from them!" So yeah, in the past two weeks, Dean's been on five dates. With five different people. Because he had friends and family who felt the need to meddle where they had no business.

His mother, his brother, Jess, Benny, even goddamn Charlie had pitched in. The last one from Charlie had even been a guy because she knew Dean was bisexual and was apparently trying to run some sort of streak of finding him the perfect roommate, then the perfect boyfriend and then maybe the man or woman of his dreams - Charlie had aspirations. But anyway, no matter how good the dates seemed on paper, it just fizzled in real life.

Something was missing. He wasn't being picky deciding on the first date that things wouldn't work... he just knew. 

Lauren had been sweet and cute in a girl-next-door, 'I want to save the world' way - but the moment she had talked about the environmental impact of Baby, she was gone. 

Then between Sam and Jess had come Robin and Elizabeth and he'd admit for a hot minute toward the end of their date he'd been into Elizabeth, 'Liz' and maybe Jess had scored a point... then she started talking about settling down close to her family - which was in another state. He was maybe being hypocritical but his family was all here in Kansas. Why would he want to move to goddamn New Jersey?

Benny's had been a bust from the start before they even made it to dinner because when Dean went to pick her up he found out she had a kid - too much, too fast, not his thing right now. 

And then Jared.

Now, he's here half naked in his house with a guy he met two weeks ago - who he happens to know from Charlie is gay. Charlie had felt that was something Dean should know in case it made him uncomfortable, which it didn't. He had appreciated the heads-up though it wasn't needed - Cas himself had said it like it was nothing to him during their first meeting to feel each other out. But back on track, he's here half naked in his house with a guy he met two weeks ago and even from the first time they'd stumbled into each other in the hallway the first morning, Dean in a towel and Cas in boxers, he hadn't felt like meat. 

Cas was kind of a gentleman about it even, shorter maybe two inches he had flicked his gaze down Dean's body only as far as his chest and complimented his tattoo before easing his way around him in the hallway. Dean's ego isn't inflated, he knows people find him attractive. But that common decency to not objectify him from the get-go had been appreciated to a degree he couldn't explain.

Jared? Fucking Jared had opened his apartment door on Dean and lost the ability to access his higher brain function. He'd spent the evening stumbling over words and being awkward as hell, when he wasn't frankly sleazy, _and he hadn't tipped the waitress!_ , to afterward try to invite Dean back to his place like he had expectations because he'd paid. The indignation Dean had felt had carried all the way home until when he told Cas about the entire awful thing, Cas had said ever so dryly that Dean should have told Jared about his 'no service tip, no service' rule.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat wait staff okay?

"I'm not looking to get some Cas. I'm kind of tired of that." He'd had that phase. That wasn't saying he was looking to settle down either - Dean just wanted to do it on his own. Find someone when he was ready. It just seemed like everyone was trying to rush him there.

Cas is staring at him, a sort of intense look that Dean's still getting used to being leveled with, head slightly tilted. The fluffy nest of chocolate bedhead hair makes it amusingly endearing rather than weird. "Then tell your family and Charlie to leave you alone." He says it so simply Dean knows he doesn't get it.

"They mean well." Dean hasn't had a serious relationship since two years ago with Cassie and he knows everyone around him is reading Dean's behaviour since as loneliness and denial, when he really just isn't ready for 'forever'. Dean tries to shake off a sudden melancholy. Why does everyone think he's unhappy? He's fine. "I should... I have to do some work at the office today."

Dean's turned back to his desk, he's got things to finish up before he goes in. He doesn't see it coming but looks over his shoulder in surprise as Cas lays a hand on his arm and gives him the smallest smile, before heading to go start his day too. The kindness of the gesture is bolstering... Dean shakes his head and gets on with his day.

~

So it kind of comes out of his mouth without him meaning to say it. He's at home, his childhood home, with his mom and Sam for their usual Sunday get-together. His mom's lamenting about how his date the week before with Lauren had gone and how Lauren's mother, her friend, was sad they hadn't hit it off since Lauren had spoken nicely about him.

He blurts it out because he knows what comes next. Another name and another try but Dean's going to take the slightest pinch of Cas' advice.

"You guys need to stop trying to find dates for me." That part had been fine. "I'm already seeing someone." That part was not.

Sam looks genuinely surprised, almost blown away while his mother looks shocked and then slowly excited.

"Really? Oh, who is she? Why didn't you - When did you -??" Dean heads off anything else with what he hopes is an awkwardly embarrassed smile but it feels duplicitous on his face.

"Ah, kind of a he. He's...a he." Where's he going with this? Where is he going with this! The shock only buys him a minute, Sam recovering before his mother because while they both also know he's bi, Sam is the only one who's actually seen him with a guy before.

"Dude why didn't you tell us? Jess and I sent you on dates. Just last week!" Sam sounds both happy and confused and Dean plays it off as best he can with a self-conscious laugh.

"Uhh...it's kind of new, obviously and uhh...we, we're, feeling this out still so... I just went on the dates to humour you guys but, yeah. Already have someone." Dean stammers and churns out as he goes, hoping when he's done that he makes some sort of credible sense. His mom blinks, obviously still caught off guard while Sam leans forward interested, eager.

"Well? What's his name? How'd you meet?" Dean looks into Sammy's hazel eyes that are full of joy for him and feels like an asshole. He hunches his shoulders and looks down at the table, knowing he's digging himself into a hole and now is the time to escape...

"It's, umm, Cas? Castiel. My uhh, new roommate." And Dean gives him mom and Sam such a weak grin that he wonders how they don't call bullshit right away.

~


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean just wants his family off his back. For his mom to stop worrying and Sam and Jess, though they mean well, to stop setting him up on dates. So he asks his roommate Cas to do him a solid and pretend to be his boyfriend for one family dinner. That turns into weekend get-togethers. And then Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's New Years before Dean realizes he's in much too deep and they need to break-up. So they plan a scene for a proposal gone bad - what could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's Tuesday!
> 
> I am putting out a call for a Beta for this story - the lovely @Frau_Wilhelm_Klink (Thank you for being my clutch beta for this! <3) is unavailable to me in future and I'm like horrible at spotting my own mistakes.
> 
> Onward to the story!

  
Dean is in a state of acute misery when he arrives home late on Sunday. He had been grilled mercilessly about Castiel, his new _boyfriend_ , before Sam and his mother had even considered a change of topic. The lies he'd told, _Jesus_...

  
When he lets himself in, he's sure there has to be an air of guilt around him like a stench. But obviously Castiel is oblivious, because he hardly registers his entry to the living room.

  
"Hey." Cas is sitting on their L-couch right in the junction. He has one leg tucked under himself, looking cozy in a college hoodie and shorts with fuzzy house slippers on as he watches a Food Network show.

  
The bee themed slippers get a crack of a smile from him before he remembers he has to look Cas in the eye and ask him a huge…no, a _monumental_ favor. Cas, who is looking at him with a hint of furrow on his brow behind his black rectangular frames.

  
"Hello. You look like shit, by the way." Dean barks out a laugh as he rubs a hand over his face and practically collapses onto the couch next to Cas. "Are you okay?"

  
He's so goddamn nice, that's genuine worry in Cas' voice right there, Dean thinks, wondering if they're good enough friends for what he's about to ask.

  
"So...so, I sort of did a thing. And I need your help." Dean's voice edges up at the end and cracks. Then he winces as Cas' eyes go squinty, like narrowed blue laser beams on Dean's little insect body.

  
"I'm going to assume this isn't a hide the body type issue. Not unless you already changed your clothes and avoided bringing any evidence home. In which case, kudos." 

  
Dean blinks, gapes a little and then laughs, a little more naturally as he sees humor in the curl of Cas' lips and the softness of his gaze.

  
"Jesus, Cas. The lack of faith, by the way, is insulting." Cas shrugs a shoulder and leans back into the couch, stretching along it in a way that's effortlessly casual.

  
Dean's had thoughts about how weird Cas is. Weird in a good way! Like how he seems so straight-laced, but has a wickedly dry sense of _really_ dark humor at the same time. Or how he could come off like a nerd, only to hit you with a sex god look and rumble at you like a muscle car at times. Opposing, but complimentary. 

  
He figured that was why Charlie said most people didn't get him, or thought he was socially awkward or weird - but they meant bad weird. Most people didn't see the facets of Cas. Dean could only assume they were stupid people. 

  
He's only known Cas three weeks max and wants to think he has a pretty good read on him. Enough to trust as he takes a deep breath that maybe he won't get laughed out of the room and back to his mom's house to set her straight before next weekend. Cas has a good heart - anybody who took the bare minimum time to know him would learn that.

  
"So," Dean's voice goes whispery and he fidgets with his hands, avoiding Cas' eyes that he can feel boring into the side of his head. "I may have told my mom we're dating." The almost inaudible statement sits in the air in utter silence until Dean looks up through his lashes at Cas.

  
Who is looking back at him with the most perfectly blank expression he's ever seen. It lasts another ten seconds until he inhales, closing his eyes and breathes out slowly.

  
"You did what?" When his eyes open again, Dean starts babbling - desperation to salvage, appeal for leniency and grovel for mercy. It turns him into a faucet.

  
"Sammy and Mom were going to set me up on another date, Cas! And I remembered what you said about telling them to just give me space but - I know my family! They weren't going to settle for me just saying I was good so, I panicked. I'm sorry. I'm really, really..." Dean swallows, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth. "The...the thing is...?"

  
Cas tilts his head back, breaking eye contact finally. "Let me guess. The favor part."

  
"They would...uhh, love to meet you next Sunday if...you can make it?" Dean flinches as Castiel takes another deep breath, hissing it out slowly like he's meditating.

  
"You told your family you were dating your roommate and now they want to meet me next Sunday." Cas nods once definitively and levels his morning smite face at Dean. "Is that right?"

  
"You...you don't have to. I can...tell them," He scrubs a hand across his face. He’s so fucking exhausted, wrung out and disappointed.

  
He could tell Mom and Sam he lied and have them feel even more worried about him and determined to get him hooked up with someone. He could only imagine that conversation. There was no way to avoid it because it wasn't like he could claim he and his 'boyfriend' broke up a fucking week after they were 'official'. Shit...

  
"You are...so lucky I like you." Cas finally says, quietly, tense. Dean's head pops up like a groundhog sensing spring. He looks at Cas like the miracle he is. 

  
"Oh my God. You'll do it?" Cas rakes a hand through his bed-head hair, disorganizing it even more, before fisting a clump of it while looking at Dean.

  
"Sure, sure. Now, tell me what kind of shitstorm you put me in."

  
So Dean spills the story he told his mom and Sam. About how there had been a connection when they'd met about the apartment and Dean had described Cas in only the most flattering way - how professional and prepared he'd been, how he'd been honest and straightforward, how Cas had opened himself up to examination and inquiry as if he was the one offering a place to stay. 

  
None of that necessarily was a lie...but the parts he'd embellished about instant attraction that they had tried to temper, how they'd slowly gotten closer and more physical were. He's spun some tale about things finally coming to a head last week after his date with Jared, how he and Cas had finally decided to make a go of it.

  
Cas frowns and squints and slow breaths through Dean's shitstorm recap. When he's done, unburdened and hopeful, Cas lets out a final mournful sigh before shrugging.

  
"Okay Dean. This one time, once." He barely holds himself back from hugging, squeezing Cas' knee instead. "I guess I'll have to look at my one silver lining. Eye candy boyfriend for a day."

  
"I... _Dude_. Thank you!"

  
It doesn't take long to put together a plan that's brilliant, refined and sure to get them out of this once next weekend passes.

  
~

  
Maybe it's a testament to how good of friends they're becoming, since despite what Dean had dropped on Cas, nothing was weird for that entire week. They had shelved their plans on Sunday night. Then Monday morning had been back to business as usual, silent morning coffee rituals and lazy evening camaraderie right through.

  
The topic doesn't even come back up until Saturday afternoon when Cas is sprawled across the long side of the couch with Dean sitting on the other end, scrolling through his phone. 

  
"I'm going to hold your hand tomorrow. Are you okay with that?" Dean had looked up and Cas isn't focused on the flat screen anymore, he's looking at where Dean's legs are stretched out along the coffee table, kind of pensive.

  
"What? Cas, you're doing me like, the hugest favor. It's not weird if that's what you're worried about. My family knows I'm bi. And if I'm dating you, we're going to do _some_ sort of touching." Dean looks away from Cas' sudden, tiny smirk, smiling. "Ew, jerk." 

  
Dean waits a moment before looking back at Cas, who has abandoned his tv show in favor of tilting his head to look up at Dean. He's quiet for a few moments more before he speaks softer, private. "I just want to make sure it won't ruin... _this_. It may be a bit awkward to…project sexual interest…onto a roommate."

  
Dean is confused before he gets it and gives Cas a warm smile. "You've been nothing but a great roommate, so I don't get why you're so apologetic about it, like I'm going to be offended. I date guys too, Cas. I'm not going to freak if you pretend to perv on me for a day. Yes, I’m fine with you holding my damned hand."

  
"If you're sure." Cas mutters under his breath after a second before moving his head back to watching Cupcake Wars. Under the retort, there's a warning note in Cas' tone that Dean can't quite figure out. He hopes doesn't matter.

  
Dean's not making a big show of this meeting so next day, he's just in his typical button down and jeans, waiting in the kitchen for Cas so they can head over to his mom's but he snorts into his midday coffee when Cas comes out, hair lying a bit more obediently under the influence of _Dean's_ hair pomade and wearing a fancy button-down and sweater vest combo with likely, his best jeans.

  
Cas glares at him as he snorts again, swallowing laughter. "You're an asshole."

  
That splutters him into full blown laughter before he darts forward and stops Cas' retreat to change. "No! Cas it's..." He pulls on his arm. "No. You...you're fine. You clean up...great." His laughter trails away and he looks his roommate over as Cas glowers suspiciously.

  
He does look good. The nerdy factor is killing Dean - but he does look good. Must have his contacts in today too because that myopic squint is all wide-eyed blue today. It's so weird to see Cas with his hair behaving though. Dean can't quite decide if he likes it or not.

  
"I overdid it. You look like you're just going to hang out at a casual bar." Dean shrugs, puts his cup in the sink and decides to hurry them out before Cas freaks and bails on him. 

  
"It's just my mom and Sam. S'not like a holiday so..." He swivels Cas bodily and hustles him down the hallway to the front door. "You look great. It's all fine."

  
The suspicion settles into sullenness in the car, and Dean tries to compensate by compromising, playing a Journey mixtape which they both like. There's no traffic to speak of and by the time they pull up in front of his mom's house forty minutes later, Cas is more wary than sullen.

  
Cas gets out and shuts the door of the Impala with more force than necessary making Dean glare across the car.

"I feel fucking fake." Cas walks around the car and stands before him, deadpan. Dean smiles weakly.

  
"I mean, you kind of are?" He can feel the tension between them here, Cas looking from the house to the yard and his Mom's flowers, to the garage, to the neighbors, taking everything in and rapidly over-processing.

  
"I can't do this." Cas tugs his shirt out from his jeans, with a sound of frustration. He's fucking panicking - because Cas can't do this to him now. Not right outside his mom's house.

  
"Look! Just...we're hanging out okay? We're at my mom's hanging out with my brother and his girlfriend and there's no, no relationship or anything like that." Dean grips Cas' arms until blue eyes look into his. "Please don't freak out on me. We do that for a few hours and we're home free."

  
They just stand there staring at each other for a few moments while Cas calms down. When he releases a long sigh out, Dean lets go of his upper arms and squeezes his shoulder instead.

  
"Come on. We got this." Cas seems to steel himself like he's going into battle with a nod and his most serious face before turning on his heel and leading Dean to his mother's front door, holding his hand. He rings the doorbell and then destroys his own hairstyle with a quick rake through.

  
Dean's caught in the middle of rolling his eyes in bemusement, when his mom opens the door almost immediately. 

  
"Dean! And you must be Castiel!" Cas' eyes go wider, a panicked flare that has Dean wincing before Cas summons some inner reserves for a truly awkward smile.

  
"Hi...Mrs. Winchester." Could he sound anymore like he was being held at gunpoint and wanted to be anywhere else? Dean mentally groans, worried he's not going to sell a bit of this bullshit. At least his family will definitely buy them breaking up though! 

  
"Hey Dean." He can't help the wide grin that breaks over his face when Sam looks out of the kitchen down the hall.

  
"Sammy. Oh, and there's your much better looking half. Hey Jess." He doesn't know why or how this gorgeous woman is settling for Sam, but he’s damned lucky to have her. Dean releases Cas and steps past his mother to give Jess a hug when she comes to meet him in the hallway. He hugs her tight, with a little spin. 

  
"How'd that exam go? Sam said you were nose to the grindstone last weekend." The blonde pediatric resident chimes out a laugh as Dean lets her go.

  
"Aced it of course. Sam was such a sweetheart last week." She looks back behind them and Dean makes an exaggerated gagging face, as Sam smiles back at his girlfriend. "He made sure our apartment didn't go to crap while I was focused on studying."

  
He feels when Cas sidles up next to him and half turns to include him in the mix. "Ah, yeah. So, Cas…umm…this is my brother Sam and his girlfriend Jessica. Guys, this is Castiel. You already met my mom."

  
"It's very nice to meet you all." Cas is almost formal, eloquently polite and Sam's eyebrow rises up before he fully disappears back into the kitchen. Dean, coward that he is, abandons Cas again, to his mother saying to call her Mary and Jessica's kind greeting and gentle hug, joining Sam in the kitchen.

  
His brother raises his eyebrow at him as he comes in, causing Dean to bristle defensively. "What?"

  
"He's...not what I expected?" Sam almost whispers it, giving Dean a confused look. He's surprised he feels offended on Cas' behalf and gives his brother his most withering look. 

  
"Maybe you shouldn't judge a book by its cover Sammy." Dean clips out, hopping up onto the kitchen island stool and watching his brother prepping something with too many vegetables in a casserole dish. "Besides, he's...super nervous. Almost had a freak out in the driveway."

  
"Oh yeah, Mom said you guys were out there doing some intense staring." Dean almost chokes on his inhale and that's when Cas strolls in with his mother and Jess. And somehow within two minutes Cas has settled down into playing the role, because he has his mom and Jess' full attention on him.

  
"...I burn water so Dean is the one who cooks. He's quite good at it. But then again, I've been told I'm not picky by my own brother. So maybe my standards are just really low." He pulls out a chair at the kitchen table that's facing where Sam and Dean are talking, so when Dean swivels to check on him he's met with a deadpan stare. "Really low."

  
Dean gapes, borderline offended as Sam huffs a laugh behind him and his mom and Jess eat it up with smiles and laughter. Cas smiles then, pulling his eyes away to look at his mom.

  
"Everything works out, though. I'm a bit of a neat freak, so I take care of most of the cleaning and laundry. Dean does the cooking and makes sure I don't burn the place down. He also avoids me in the morning, so that's excellent too." That sounded believably nice and Dean's kind of happy when his mom looks like she's enjoying Cas' company as they keep talking. He turns back to Sam and lets the conversation filter in the background as they talk about Cas' job and what he does in his free time.

  
He and Sam chat too, but every time he hears his name, he jolts, Dean can't help it and tunes into the conversation again to make sure Cas is keeping the script rolling smoothly. Sam notices, becoming more and more amused.

  
"Dean...you're jumpier than a prostitute in a nunnery. What's up?" He snaps his attention back to Sam as his brother wipes down before returning to talking quietly with him.

  
"Nothing. Man, I'm just…nervous too, I guess? I want you to like Cas?" Dean swallows and gives Sam what feels like a half panicked look. "I dunno...shit."

  
"Hey, relax." Sam sounds genuinely worried as he leans on the counter, supportive. "We're all talking, and we have all afternoon to get to know him. Don't overthink it, man."

  
He nods jerkily, bracing himself. He can do this, he can do this! He swivels the stool back around and tries to relax as Sam joins the others at the table, the conversation still moving along. His hands are fucking clammy, so Dean scrubs them up and down his thighs anxiously.

  
He's aware of Cas looking at him several times, and every time he tries to smile weakly. Cas is the one now keeping the story afloat because Dean is freaking the fuck out.

  
"I'm sorry to derail this discussion. Mary," Cas gives a charming hint of a smile and leans into his mother's space. "I'm ready for the embarrassing photo album while Dean drowns himself in beer with his brother and Jessica."

  
"Oh!" Dean gapes as his mother lights up and Jess and Sam laugh out.

  
"Dude!" Sam screeches as his mother gets up and pulls Cas with her by the hand, and Cas gives Dean a smug look over his shoulder before going off with his mother.

  
"You're in those pictures too Sammy. Laugh it up!" 

  
It ends up that his mom is the only one without a beer and Sam joins them in the living room with the photo albums while Dean glowers in the kitchen with Jess. He can hear his mother telling Cas about the pictures as she goes through the album.

  
"Oh, Dean. He's lovely. You could have told us about him before we went setting you up with Robin and Liz." She says it softly with a hand on his arm. Dean hides his surprise and looks quizzically at Jess. "I really hope it wasn't because he's a guy..."

  
"No! I know you guys aren't like that...like I said, we're just trying this out. Might not work out." Dean says more forcefully, with a practiced shrug. He clutches his beer a little closer. "We're not even really all that...uhh, physical yet."

  
Jess gives him a soft look that has his mind ticking over. "That's so sweet. So what are you planning on doing for him? I mean, the fact you live together already is definitely a bit sticky, but you seem so comfortable with each other. Something's working out."

  
Dean shrugs again, this one more truthful. "We just hang out. We watch tv together after work, drink coffee together in the morning." Jess looks like she’s waiting for more and Dean just stares blankly until she sighs dramatically.

  
"You are falling into the trap before you've even begun, Dean. Just because it's comfortable doesn't mean you should take your interest in each other for granted. Yes, you live together. But take him out on dates, go watch a movie in a theatre or have a nice dinner out once in a while."

  
Dean blinks as Jess finishes, leveling him with a wise expression. "That first spark of something is only going to last as long as you keep feeding it."

  
A peal of laughter, deep and unfamiliar rings out along with Sam's chuckling and his mother's low whispers. It steals his attention from Jess and Dean stands quickly shooting a glare into the living room.

  
"What are you showing him!" All three of them turn to look at him and he ignores Sam's smug face and his mother's slightly guilty smile in favor of Cas' grin.

  
He's never seen Cas grinning like this before. It's wide, all teeth, gums and chubby cheeks and happily squinted eyes. His chest tightens in an unfamiliar, nervous clench. 

  
Jesus, what did his mother show Cas?

  
"Aww Dean." There's an affectionate mockery in his tone that makes him flush uncomfortably, up to his neck. "Baby bath photo - Mary said you kept your flower bather as a binkie." There's laughter in his tone and Dean feels the blush creeping higher.

  
"Asshole!"

  
"Dean!" His mother admonishes with an appalled expression. 

  
But Cas just laughs again, softer until Dean's standing there embarrassed and red, with his whole family looking at him. He knows they're doing that intense eye contact thing again, but he can't stop it.

  
"You're such a baby." There's affection without the mockery this time and Dean decides to leave with what little dignity he has left. He huffs and decides to go up to his old room with his beer that won't mock him. Fucking Castiel.

  
He finds his old tape deck radio still in his room and puts on some music low while he sits on the floor with his drink. It's gone too fast and he's aghast to think of heading downstairs again.

  
Then there's a soft knock on his door and it's pushed open.

  
"Hey." Cas sticking his head into his old bedroom makes him scramble self-consciously to his feet. Dean's feeling somewhat defensive and he doesn't really know why. Cas sighs and pushes open the door some more revealing the beer in his hand. "Bribe? I couldn't leave my boyfriend I tormented up here sulking."

  
"You're a little shit." But he's still smiling as he walks up to Cas and snatches his drink petulantly. Cas smiles indulgently.

  
"I was hoping to be a giant shit, but eh. Better luck next time." Cas making himself comfortable, stepping into his childhood bedroom and looking around is pretty weird. It feels revealing and Dean ends up holding his beer awkwardly with one hand in his pocket when Cas finishes his circuit.

  
"It's very you." Dean squints, not quite sure what that means. "Classic."

  
"Your face is classic." Dean grumbles and is rewarded with Cas' tiny smile. "Dude I don't know why you even bothered with the gel if you were just gonna fuck it up again. Hold this."

  
His roommate very obediently holds his beer while Dean tries to fix his hair into some state of general public normalcy. Every attempt to get it to lie flat again fails so in the end, Dean just tries to get it into some artistic flips. He's really not aware of how close they are until Cas speaks and he can feel his breath on his face.

  
"I wasn't laughing at you." He looks down from his hands in Cas' hair to solemn blue eyes that look very apologetic. "Not in a mean way. You were an adorable baby."

  
Dean can feel the flush on his face and hates it. He's about to shrug it off with some cheeky response and then he hears a cleared throat from the doorway.

  
He flinches away from Cas like a scalded cat and whirls on his mom. 

  
"Dinner's ready when you are." Dean scowls at the gentle smile on her face and snatches his beer back from Cas. He's annoyed as he stomps back downstairs behind his mom and he can feel Cas right at his back like a shadow. He isn't expecting it as they're walking back toward the kitchen, the hand that trails down his lower back like a brand and makes him shiver right to his toes.

  
A strangled, punched-out noise escapes from his throat and when he stutters in the doorway, Cas moves past him so smoothly Dean would think it was unintentional. If it weren't for the self-satisfied smirk curling his lips and the way he looks at Dean through his lashes as he goes into the kitchen. 

  
He flushes so fast it feels like he's feverish and Dean knows he's gaping unattractively. Did Cas just really...

  
He swallows the sound that comes with the discomforting twitch of arousal and buries the last twenty seconds mentally, buries it in the deepest grave he can find.

  
"Hey there's meat too. Not just the casserole, so there's no need to hide in there." Jess' voice draws him out and he tries to regulate his breathing and act normal as he walks in.

  
He knows he fails from how Sam's eyebrows immediately jack up into his hair when Dean sits himself silently at the table and thumps down his beer bottle. He can only imagine how he looks from the smile Jess is trying to contain and Sam's continued staring.

  
"Dean was just helping Castiel fix his hair." His mother decides to contribute and Dean chokes out a sound of embarrassment. But Sam must have taken pity and decided to pass up on the low hanging fruit because of how mortified he looks.

  
"Uhh, yeah." A note creeps into Sam's voice and he stares harder at the table. Castiel is just as silent, almost somber beside him and Jess, bless her heart cuts the tension and starts passing around the serving dishes.

  
"Well I think this suits you better. Do you usually use product?" It's not the world's greatest conversation starter but it's something and Dean is almost desperate to chime in about Cas' perpetual bedhead and then move it on from there to how Jess does her own hair. Soon she's talking about maybe trying a change with a cut or some highlights and Dean can exhale softly, relax.

  
He's unwinding, letting it go and congratulating himself on how he and Cas have sold this story and he can probably keep up the fiction indefinitely as they live together. Dean is unsuspecting as dessert comes, his mom's apple pie and laughing at something Sam's said when Cas' hand lands pretty high on his thigh and squeezes.

  
Dean squeaks out a moan and then is gaping wide-eyed at Jess across the table from him, as he goes an embarrassing shade of red.

  
"Oh dear. Look at the time." Cas says in the falsest tone he's ever heard and Dean dies on the inside. "Is it possible we can get these to go Mary?" Sam bursts into laughter and then yelps a 'hey', Dean assumes from Jess just having stepped on his foot or something.

  
"O-Of course. Uhh." He loves his mother more than he can say as she stands up. Cas releases him to go help. He's still shell-shocked when Sam fucking smirks at him.

  
"Okay. I stand corrected. He can handle you." The goddamned eyebrow waggle is too much and Dean bites out a 'shut your freaking cakehole' at a hiss. "Wow Dean..."

  
"What?" Dean snaps. He's annoyed and embarrassed beyond belief, and Castiel was going to rue the day...

  
"You were right. And I like him." Sam leans in to whisper conspiratorially. "But just maybe, get out of the habit of goading each other. Seems like he wins."

  
"Bitch." Dean pushes out of his chair and leaves the other half of his beer. "I'm tired of your face."

  
"Jerk," Sam responds with a wide smile and leans back in his chair. "Go home and enjoy _not_ being physical with your boyfriend." Dean turns a look of betrayal on Jess that she shrugs apologetically at.

  
"I mean, were you _fixing_ his hair or...?" The demoness he had wanted to be his sister-in-law says and Sam laughs, looking at Jess so fondly it's sickening.

  
"Cas, we're leaving!" Dean shouts unnecessarily and seeing as he was only a few feet away, Cas gives him an unimpressed look. 

  
"Okay, Dean. Whatever you say, Dean." He turns to Dean's mom and gives her a tentative hug while balancing the half pie she'd Tupperwared for them. "Thank you for having me."

  
"Of course! Oh, you've got to come back when you can. We usually try to get together every Sunday if you're not doing anything when Dean's coming. It's a good chance to get a home-cooked meal." Dean sees when Cas' smile turns brittle and feels terrible.

  
"If I can. It's been lovely to meet you all though. We should go. Unfortunately, I have an early day tomorrow. Come on, Dean." He's the one scrambling after Cas like a puppy and he snatches a long hug from his mom, glaring at Sam and Jess as he leaves.

  
"See you soon, Cas!" Jess shouts after them and Dean flips her the bird once he's in the car and his mom has gone back inside. He can hear her giggling with Sam in the doorway before he starts the car to leave.

  
The words "I hope you're happy." come flatly from shotgun of the car and Dean looks at Cas with a harsh sigh.

  
"You did great. It's sold. Let's never darken this doorway again." Dean reverses as Cas settles in to be a grump with his phone and puts on Led for the drive home. 

  
_~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments loved, kudos welcome!  
> <3


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning, post is coming out today instead of tomorrow due to a life-engagement but the following chapter will be as usual, two weeks on from tomorrow - unless it's ready early enough for *next* Tuesday.
> 
> Enjoy.

Despite the charged atmosphere of that night, Monday is a new leaf, and they quickly fell back into old habits. Almost immediately, Dean forgave Cas for the agony he put him through. 

He wouldn't have planned it that way at all - if only to spare himself discomfort - but the thing is, it worked. Sam sent him texts about Cas all week to torment him, and his mom had asked what Cas' favourite food was for the following weekend. Despite his utter mortification, Castiel's smooth plays had worked.

Just the embarrassment of remembering his thigh being squeezed or the hand on his lower back could make Dean flush enough that, for the next two weeks as he made excuses for Cas dodging family get-togethers, they still bought that he and Cas were a thing. But it was the week before Thanksgiving now, and his mother was adamant that Cas make an appearance.

It had been so good though, being comfortable together without it being weird. Dean knew it would get weird if he had to ask Cas to play his boyfriend again for Thanksgiving. 

Just last week he'd managed to get Cas out to a game night with him, Charlie, Jo and Benny. Sorry and Taboo had been fun, but Cas playing Cards Against Humanity had been legendary. They had planned a night-out at the bar for this week. Cas had told Charlie that he _might_ come to one of their LARPing sessions, just to hear Dean have to answer to 'Handmaiden'. He likes what they've got going, this easy companionship that doesn't _quite_ replace Sam, but Dean's content and he doesn't want to mess it up.

Like now, for instance, as he's watching tv while sitting in the nook so he can stretch his legs on the short side, while Cas lays on the other and tucks his feet under Dean. It's somehow gotten really goddamn comfortable.

He's going to ruin it.

Dean's been sneaking looks at Cas all evening and he doesn't think he's been obvious until he gets kicked in the thigh.

"The fuck!"

Cas is rocking peach fuzz after not having shaved for a couple of days - it somehow works on him, and scruffy and half asleep he's kind of adorable. 

"I can hear you thinking something at me Dean, but I'm not actually a mind reader." 

It's a good thing too, 'cause Dean's has short circuited. Jesus fuck, he thinks his roommate is cute.

"Please don't hate me, but you have to come for Thanksgiving." He blurts out in the moment, into the braindead void.

It takes Cas maybe three seconds, before his eyes narrow and he sits up, suddenly much too close to Dean.

"We haven't broken up?" The story, the plan, because technically Dean was supposed to have broken up with Cas but...

"It was working so well." He strangles out. "I mean, indefinitely they would never have tried to set me up again. I think my mom wants to adopt you, and Sam just loves to torment me about how I'm supposedly whipped." Dean lets it all out in a flood. "So, why would I break up with you? They'd just feel sorry for me and wonder how I'm surviving still living with you and either try to get us back together or... Christ knows. So... yeah. I figured not breaking up made more sense."

"Oh, Dean." Cas lowers his head into both hands and Dean's at a loss as to what the big deal is. "You didn't think your family might, _ever_ want to see me again? Or did you just assume I'd go along and continue to help you with your farce?"

Ouch. He shifts uncomfortably because, obviously, the answer is the latter. He can't bring himself to say it to Cas' face. Dark, squinted blue eyes bore into him when Cas lifts his head.

"I have a question for you Dean. How exactly do you plan to pull off being a month into a relationship with a man you live with?" The question lingers for a moment. "Because if we managed to sell that we weren't physically involved before..."

Living with a boyfriend for a month? Oh, they'd be at it like bunnies. Dean flushes red just as it hits him, realizing what his mom and Sam must think they get up to all the time, especially with how they had left the house that one weekend. Jesus fuck.

Cas must see the moment it clicks for Dean by his flush because he nods slowly. "Yes Dean. Consequences. So I'm going to suggest either you let your family down real easy this weekend and say, that we've had some irreconcilable differences, ...or…," The pause is indelicate, leaving Dean's imagination to run wild for a moment with just the extent of what they might have to do to keep his family convinced he's happy in his relationship with his boyfriend. "...We go for some Academy Award level dedication for Thanksgiving. And the decision is completely up to you."

"You..." Dean swallows. "You'd do it?" Cas' face is artfully blank as he answers.

"What are friends for?"

* * *

Things have been... tense. That was putting it mildly or more accurately - euphemistically.

Since Dean had told Cas about the need for him to make an appearance for Thanksgiving, the atmosphere had changed around the house. It hadn't happened all at once, but Dean couldn't help but admit that he had become more careful around Cas.

The man in question seemed to have taken offense. Honestly, Dean didn't blame him, because he was the idiot who had tried to rope Cas into his nonsense and then acted like _he_ was the timebomb but now...

Now Cas was pushing back harder - take Saturday night for example. 

The bar night they had planned had been a success. Charlie had been joined by her girlfriend Gilda, Jo with Victor, Benny, Dean and Cas. It should have been just a nice night of friends drinking and dancing, and maybe some funny pictures and hilarious stories.

It was all that plus some serious unresolved sexual tension between Dean and Cas according to, basically, everyone.

Today was Monday and Charlie was still sending him texts asking if he was ' _sure_ -sure' Cas wasn't into him. He told her he was, but couldn't explain the craptastic situation he was in.

Cas was trying to prove a point, basically to get Dean to say chicken.

Evidently Cas could hold his liquor. He had done a line of five straight tequila shots like they were water and, with that, started the night sitting much too close to Dean in the booth. At some point the groping of his thigh had started, and Dean had continued to drink, chat, and ignore it.

(Shifted awkwardly, gasped a few times, excused himself to the bathroom to will away an erection...yeah. Ignored it.)

Then Cas had decided he wanted to drink the bar. He'd had a flurry of cocktails; mojitos, margaritas, sweet shots... and then found Dean on the dance floor.

He kind of wanted to die, remembering Cas dancing behind him and the very, very obvious package he'd had. But he'd stuck it out, because Cas was trying to prove a point and while he understood it, Dean would prove he could make it through. 

So he'd been dry humped while dancing, told dirty things in the back of their Uber home that had given him blue balls and then had to live with the guy for the past two days. 

But he'd survived.

If he could survive that, he could survive a Thanksgiving dinner. Easy.

So when Cas came home that evening, Dean was waiting at their kitchen island.

"Mom likes us to get there early to be part of the whole thing, so do you want to drive over Wednesday evening or go early Thursday morning?" Dean juts his chin forward as he speaks, defiant. Cas is frozen for a moment in their kitchen doorway before he slowly walks in past Dean and commandeers his work nook for his satchel, takes off his glasses, and then slowly turns to face Dean.

"You still want to do this?" Cas says flatly, his frown so fierce it wrinkles between his brows.

"Yeah Cas. I get you were trying to prove we're going to have to do a bit more to convince my family and I don't think we need to do half of what you did at the bar so we're good." Dean spits it out, defensive. "I can do this."

Cas tilts his head and looks at Dean so bluntly he almost wants to hide. "Are you really this - " He squints disbelievingly while Dean shuffles on his feet.

"Look I'm sorry about how I was behaving after you brought to my attention we'd have to...be more physical. And Saturday was a _lot_ by the way... You know it has nothing to do with you being gay..." Cas snorts loudly and jumps on that.

"What did it have to do with then Dean?" 

The fact he's maybe going to be able to do this act very easily. He doesn't want to blur the lines - but he has to remind himself it's an act, it's a song and dance he's putting on for his family. And Cas is being a generous friend trying to help him, while at the same time reminding him he's doing some unconscionable shit he should be trying to get out of. And that's it.

Cas is a friend. Just a friend.

"I know I'm asking a lot of you Cas," Dean's voice breaks a little and he musters his will to get through this. "If it's that you're honestly not cool with pretending to be my boyfriend anymore - I don't want to put you any deeper in a shit situation..." Like having to deal with your roommate maybe being a little too into you.

"I -" Cas closes his mouth and shakes his head, once, harshly. "Okay. We should drive up Wednesday evening. That's decided. I have work to do."

"Cas," He gets a raised hand and a chilly look, not even a glare, just something so heavy with disappointment that it makes him feel worse.

He sits back down on the bar stool and feels like he lost something.

He realizes what it is when he wakes the next morning and Cas is already gone, the coffee pot still unused on the counter. When Cas doesn't come home after work, he's up until eleven o'clock before he figures he _isn't_ coming home. The idea of Cas, out with someone else, already hurts more than it should.

But then it's after one am on Wednesday and people are stumbling into the house, too many feet to be just Cas. Dean reaches under his pillow for the knife he keeps there (long story), and sits up as they come down the hallway, but then he hears Cas' voice, ragged and hoarse and low as sin.

" _Want...wanna get off, come on...bedroom_." And it's there, then it's gone, closed behind Cas' bedroom door.

Dean feels cold the rest of the night. He thinks about lost possibilities that he doesn't really have the right to mourn because it's not real anyway, none of it is.

He sneaks out of his bedroom in the morning like he's the interloper but fantastically neither Cas nor his guest are there. He could maybe even think it was a dream, except for the condom foils in the bathroom.

At least he's safe then.

When Cas gets in after work he goes straight to his room, doesn't even respond to Dean's strangled 'hey', packs a duffel and drops it next to the door before retreating back to his bedroom. 

How are they supposed to pretend to be together? Dean can't even look at Cas, and Cas is avoiding him.

The hour in the car is torture. He plays music and keeps his eyes on the road as Cas buries himself in a book. They've exchanged one word in over twenty-four hours and Dean doesn't think his one greeting counts as an exchange.

When they pull up in front of his mom's house, Dean is about to call it quits, say fuck it and confess. He'll tell his family he and Cas are a lie...and tell Cas, the only thing Dean's sure about is he wants his friendship. He wants them to be okay.

"We're not ruining Thanksgiving for your family Dean. We're going to go in there and be sickeningly coupled. We'll put on a good show, maybe get caught in flagrante delicto, somewhere in your mother's home. Then you're never going to ask this of me again."

Cas' eyes are shuttered in his neutral expression and Dean nods wordlessly. Cas inhales, hitches on a polite little smile, and breathes out. It's creepy how with his exhale, all the coldness seems to go out of his eyes.

"Let's go Dean." The pretense is good, from holding hands walking to the door from the car up until they're inside. His mom had hugged Cas as soon as she got him in the door which softened his expression immediately, Dean's hug like an affectionate afterthought as she took Cas into the kitchen with her. Dean doesn't even mind as it allows him to drift into the living room with Sam and Jess, who are already wrapped up in each other on the couch watching tv.

Dean settles on the other loveseat and plunks down after giving a wave, determined to settle in and play off his unhappiness.

"Hey man." The nudge to his foot a while later from one of Sam's giant feet makes him look away from letting his mind rot on some trashy reality show. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, of course." Dean smiles as honestly as he can, content to be here with his family. Nothing else mattered. "Just, long day. You know. Uhh, are we doing the usual room split?" He knows without asking they are but there's something in him that hopes. Maybe he can get away with sleeping on the couch downstairs if he pretends to crash out watching tv.

"Yeah. Figured you'd want to room with Cas." Sam is a bit inquisitive as he nods and pointedly turns his attention back to the show.

It's maybe a half hour later before Cas joins them with a beer and glass of iced tea. The beer is extended to Dean silently, and he looks up at Cas' neutrally calm exterior and feels leaden guilt and resentment warring in his gut.

"Thanks." He takes the bottle, looking away from his 'boyfriend' who hesitates before sitting next to him, the slightest space between them now feeling pointedly conspicuous.

This is proven true when, after chugging half the beer and exhaling loudly, he finds Jess sneaking looks at them from the other side of Sam, who's not even hiding that he's staring at Dean.

Dean gives his brother an exaggeratedly annoyed 'what the hell' look and Sam takes the cue to ignore them.

It's bad enough that things are tense without Sam drawing attention to it.

Between bad tv and food prep for the next day, and the turkey down along with the other meats that needed to thaw, it's getting pretty late and Dean's thinking an early start for what he'll bake tomorrow is a good idea, so he's wanting to sleep soon. 

Cas has been fidgety next to him all evening and Sam seems to be at the limit of ignoring it when he corners Dean returning from the bathroom and drags him back to the front of the house away from Cas and the others.

"What did you do?" He's instantly offended and irritated that Sam thinks whatever is going on is apparently automatically on him.

"What did _I_ do?" He gives an unamused snort and leans against the balustrade of the stairs. "I didn't do anything to him!"

"Your boyfriend's different Dean, cause I got to know a bit of him last time and he was, not this. All I'm getting today is a Stepford wife vibe and he's aiming it at you while we're getting polite civility. So, what, did you do."

"We had a fight Sam! He didn't even want to come here today! And like I said I didn't do shit to him!" His voice is rising and Dean bites back more angry retorts as he thinks about Cas bringing a guy into their house last night but somehow ... _he's_ the bad guy!

After a pause of passive staring which Sam uses to let Dean calm, he asks less judgingly. "Okay, what did you fight about?" 

"It doesn't matter. I'm _sick,_ of his attitude. I - honestly, at this point, don't know why he bothered coming..." Dean crosses his arms and stares moodily. Sam frowns at him before sighing heavily, stepping forward to clasp Dean's shoulder.

"Well, he probably didn't want to not show up again during the holidays since he's missed our last couple of weekends." Sam leans into him, squeezing reassuringly. "It's no secret family is pretty big around here, so don't be mad at him that he came. He came - _despite_ the cold shoulder he's giving. Maybe try to use the fact you're stuck here together with nowhere to go to work it out? Maybe before tomorrow's dinner?" Sam adds with lightly forced jovialty, smacking his arm.

Dean narrows his eyes at his brother and is about to say something not nice when Cas comes into the hallway. He pauses in the door frame before walking toward them, what little friendliness that had been on his face from Jess and his mom wearing off, leaving a brittle smile.

"I'm tired. I think it's time to get some sleep." Dean takes the light punch from Sam in the shoulder as he steps back to give Cas room with Dean by the stairs.

"Cool guys. We'll be up in a bit. You can, go lie down." Dean glares as his brother backs away, with obvious eye gestures to Cas that there's no way he missed. When Sam is gone Dean huffs and turns for the stairs, marching up them.

"We're sleeping in my room. I don't know if you are sleep-on-the-floor pissed but I'm not. So it's up to you." Cas follows wordlessly and doesn't even look at him after they enter. 

His stubborn will to simply ignore Dean is clear when he walks out after rummaging in his duffel, and comes back half an hour later, teeth brushed, showered and changed into a pajama pant and t-shirt combo, to slip into bed next to Dean and promptly show him his back.

"Dude," Dean says it, aggravated and baffled. "How exactly am I supposed to have a good time with my family with you acting like a goddamn asshole?" Cas looks over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes and leveling a cold stare at him, but Dean is officially done.

"You said you would do this. You _said_ so. You tell me you don't want to ruin Thanksgiving for my family," Dean shifts into a sitting position up against the headboard as Cas rolls over onto his other side, facing him now. His face is a study in controlled ferocity but Dean continues, feeling quite vindicated. "but you're here letting everyone know you're less than happy with me! You think anyone's going to have a good time tomorrow thinking we're on the fucking rocks?"

"I'm not the one who can't even look me in the eye. Every time today I tried to even engage you to try to smooth over what could maybe pass as a small tiff, you've looked at me like I've mortally offended you - so don't give me any shit about ruining the holiday for you." Cas spits back, low and angry, and Dean gapes at him, temper flaring fast and high.

" _I_ didn't _fuck_ some random dude last night." It comes out bitter and spiteful and makes Cas look like he got slapped in the face. Dean on the other hand is appalled he has shown he gives a solitary shit and he moves on quickly.

"None of my business what you do by the way but pretty sure you've spoken more to whoever the hell he was than you have to _me_ in the past thirty-six hours! I don't know but you're not inspiring the atmosphere for a loving couple - just saying."

"And why would who I fuck matter Dean?" Cas sits up in the bed, glare eviscerating. "What does that have to do with the facade? Do you have some stake in my personal life that I'm _not aware of_?" His voice goes flatter, a warning if Dean's ever heard one, and Dean barrels through it.

"You're supposed to be my friend, for one thing! You don't get to treat me like shit and ignore me for days and then expect me to come here and pretend like everything's fucking fine...!" Shit. Fucking hell. He doesn't _do_ this crap.

Whatever angry retort was about to fly from Cas stalls and he inhales a deep breath after a moment, speaking with forced calm. "I didn't mean..." His voice trails off and that gets Dean's attention. Cas is looking at the comforter fisted in his hands as he continues to speak. "I _was_ ignoring you. I felt we needed some... distance."

The admission should make him feel better but only looses the hurt that had been curled up heavy in his chest.

"Why?" He hates how lost and pathetic he sounds. "You're my...my friend." Cas releases a noise from his throat and joins Dean sitting pressed against the headboard, legs stretched next to each others’ on the bed. He edges looks at Cas as he frowns down at the bed before speaking.

"You don't see why we might need some distance Dean?" Cas' voice is getting softer, lower as all the animosity leeches out of him and it's like they're linked, how it flows out of him too.

"No. I don't." He says it forcefully, means it with all his heart.

"I don't get how you don't - we've been... Dean," Cas closes his eyes and tilts his head up, the edge of his stubbled jaw drawing Dean's eye. "The last couple of weeks have been great. It felt like... we've really become close."

"Cas - man, shit. We did. We _are_ close." 

"I thought we were." Cas says quietly and it's heavy, meaningful. His eyes are flicking all over Cas' face for a clue, something to guide him because Dean knows what he wants to say but doesn't know if he should...

"You're my best friend okay." He confesses it quiet, raw vulnerability in his voice. "I don't want to lose you - what we've gained. That's why I told you if you couldn't, if you didn't want to..."

"I tried for you. Of course I'd try for you Dean." Cas gaze meeting his is resolute, a promise and it's amazing to have this devotion already in such a new friend. They're so close Dean can see the dilation of Cas' pupils, hear the hitch in his breath when Dean's eyes flicker down to his mouth. "But we should have known this wouldn't work..."

Cas whispers it out, ragged in a husky breath and Dean breathes out a 'yeah' in reply.

The moment is suspended, stretches so long he gets lost in Cas' eyes and how they can do this, just stare into each other's souls.

"I'm - I'm really fucking sorry Cas." Dean apologizes, feeling scraped raw and this is why he doesn't like this talking out your feelings shit. "I shouldn't have done this..."

Cas' small smile is like the sun breaking out through clouds and Dean feels his heart flip over in the worst way.

"It's not that I didn't want to do this Dean. I want you to understand why I did, why I would want to." His face must be hiding his internalized panic because Cas can't tell as he slides down the bed, back into a supine position that Dean's known world is crumbling and reforming around him. "And I'm sorry too, and I also accept your apology."

The hand that slides across the bed and tangles fingers with his shocks a gasp out of his throat before he can catch it. Cas, ever so sweetly, pulls their joined hands up to his lips and brushes a kiss across Dean's knuckles while he blinks and his mind goes offline.

"Good night Dean."

His soft, ragged exhale sounds like a shout in the silence as Cas lets go and rolls over, burrowing into the comforter.

He sleeps somehow. Dean doesn't know when he falls asleep but he wakes to his phone alarm, nestled on his side _spooned_ to Cas' back and a little too happy in his pants. He cusses under his breath and deals with shutting off the phone first.

When he looks back Cas is still sleeping but has tilted slightly like he's seeking the missing warmth behind him. The softened pout of his lips is suddenly the most distracting thing in the room and Dean can't deal with this right now.

He has pastries to make, he sternly informs his erection, and thinks of less pleasant things to make it go away.

It's before dawn and he works for maybe an hour before he hears feet coming down the stairs. He's expecting his brother or maybe even his mom as they both are early risers. Instead it's Cas with his dark, mussed head, sleepy half-mast eyes and a long, deep yawn that shows tongue and soft, pink palate - shit! Fuck...

"Hey Cas." There's a hum in response as blue eyes track slow over him, down his body. The once-over feels tactile and Dean shifts his lower body behind the counter to avoid embarrassment.

He's not subtle. Neither is the flush on his chest that's quickly rising up his neck. But maybe Cas doesn't notice as he sits down at the kitchen table, chair angled to watch Dean.

Cas watches him finish off three more pastry preps and leave them to rise before he puts on coffee and works on breakfast. The entire time, Cas is silently attentive and Dean's in an increasing state of arousal that's just short of indecent, but can't really be hidden in the clothing he's wearing.

The atmosphere is intense. Dean feels like he's putting on a burlesque show or a strip tease and Cas is eating it up. It should not have Dean feeling like he could pound nails with his dick.

Cas just keeps fucking watching, looking more and more awake before Dean even brings him his first cup of coffee. When he does bring Cas his cup, he's so goddamn swollen it's practically at Cas' eye-level and he doesn't _care_. He stops too close, just inside the wide V of Cas' knees and doesn't speak until he's caught the heat of Cas' gaze.

"Here." He clears his throat after putting the cup down and appreciates Cas' eyes staying resolutely _up_. Even though he can see a sly tease in those blue fucking eyes all Cas does is nod so he turns away smartly, heading back to finish breakfast.

"I do understand the merits of that saying about watching someone go but I prefer the view if you'd stayed. Positively eye-catching."

The noise that comes out of him is just tortured and Cas watches him squirm and turn red, sipping his coffee. Dean's about to do something embarrassing and irrevocable, like adjust his hard on and let Cas see and say some other smart-assed comment Dean could return with more innuendo and see where it went... and goddamn Sam walks in.

"Good morn...ning?" Cas sits up straight quickly from the frankly obscene slouch he'd been in and Dean squeaks as he presses himself against the counter, willing his erection away with all his willpower. "Uhh..."

"Good morning. There's coffee." Cas intones roughly, the sex god look engaged as he laser focused in on him. "Dean can get you some."

"Oh my God." He expels it under his breath and then just mentally says 'fuck it'. "Sammy, finish breakfast." He looks at Cas before he moves from behind the counter and sees the instant they click together, something slots into place.

Cas' eyes darken and he stands, leaving his coffee. "I've - left something upstairs."

His brother is completely confused and he uses that opportunity to get out of the kitchen, hopefully without his state being seen and he almost hurts himself trying to get upstairs after Cas.

They meet in the bedroom and there's a pause after Dean steps inside and shuts the door, where they just look... before Cas crashes into him.

"Yeah Cas." He says it before he even lays hands on him, says it again when Cas hesitates at the waist of his sweats and murmurs 'is this okay', because of course it is. It's awesome.

"Jesus... _fuck!_ " The exclamation is high and clear as Cas reaches down his pants and fucking grabs him, the motion of thumb over his weeping crown and the first pump almost simultaneous. 

" _Dean_." Their lips meet just as desperately, Cas tugging him by the hair and moaning into his mouth. Dean gasps and is plundered in deep thrusts and slick battle and tiny sips that steal his breath away for what feels like hours or centuries. 

"Cas..." Dean pants it, lust heavy in his gut with his cock in Cas' hand - but despite how aroused he is, the long strokes begin to chafe. "Please!"

"Tell me what you want. Tell me Dean." The fucking tease murmurs it against his lips in that sinful voice as if he doesn't know what Dean needed, the bastard.

"Wet - God! Lick your fucking hand _please!_ " Dean was not above begging, feels rewarded when Cas takes his hand off immediately and spits into it before using his tongue to spread it around and precipitously taste Dean. The first stroke he gives him back is gorgeous, he chokes out a 'fuck yes' and his cock weeps a load of precum that makes Cas raise a dark eyebrow at him. 

Dean just moans loudly at him and Cas smirks and just dives back in like learning every inch of Dean's mouth is his one job.

"God! Cas!" His head thumps into the bedroom door behind him when they part again and his hips have been working, fucking into Cas' slick, unrelenting grip while they kissed. The pleasure's burning away his brain, Dean doesn't register crying out again until his mouth is under Cas' and he's breathless, being kissed filthy and gasping for air.

"Fuck. _Fuck Dean_." Cas looks blown and Dean smiles, a tremulous, untethered expression of pleasure, fingers grasping Cas' skull, fisting his hair. It's good, it's good, it's so fucking good, Jesus Cas just....! He's babbling in breathless cries, gasping Cas' air in their nearness, light-headed and ecstatic and spiralling higher and higher until he snaps beautifully.

"Oh my God! Oh my - !" Dean fucking whites out against the door, comes over Cas' fist in waves and keens so loud into his mouth it's mortifying. He might be crying, he might be fucking crying... breaths hitching against Cas' mouth as his body shudders and his knees go blissfully weak.

Cas groans, fumbles his pajama bottoms enough down his thighs to get his cock free and slots himself between Dean's thighs and rocks, harsh quick thrusts that jostle Dean into the door. He's still flying himself and he helps Cas with groaned encouragement against the shell of his ear. Dean urges Cas on until he whines into the skin at his throat and grates out his name and dampens Dean's sweats again.

They're panting loud and Dean's shaking still...

There's one knock and a not-so-delicate cough from behind the door that makes them both freeze. "Your brother wants to know if the batter in the fridge was for French toast." Jess inquires with almost inhuman politeness, voice full of choked laughter. He can hear her snickers fade as she walks away.

Dean whimpers when Cas chuckles against his throat, hot breath and low baritone. "You're...loud."

"Oh God." Dean feels for the wall next to him as Cas takes a step back, pulls his pants up.

"I'll face them first. You should... go clean up." It comes out a low rasp as Cas' eyes work over him again. He wants to laugh and say 'you do love me' - ends up in Cas' orbit again and if he's allowed... he presses a kiss to Cas’ reddened mouth that's less hungry and more grateful.

"Thank you." There's a split second of awkwardness when he pulls away, before he blushes and scrambles like a small child for the bathroom. He cleans up and tries to ignore Sam and Jess are going to know he just had sex and that's if his mother wasn't up too or one of them _told her_ God forbid.

He changes into another set of sweats, puts on an oversized t-shirt and tries to tamp down the pink cheeked, glassy-eyed look he's got in the mirror.

Dean almost creeps down the stairs and steels himself to head down the hallway into the kitchen. He can hear Sam and see Jess at the table with Cas...and fuck, his mom's there too.

"Hey...morning." The only person whose eyes don't swivel to him are Cas' and he's smiling, small and satisfied into another cup of coffee. Sam narrows his eyes at Dean and goes for the jugular.

"Yeah. 'Good morning' Dean. You forgot that earlier on your way out." Jess giggles out a soft 'Sam' but his brother isn't being silenced. "And telling me to finish breakfast when I don't even know what you were planning on _doing_ for breakfast, was not your finest moment either." 

"Do we have to do this?" He asks, sitting in a low slouch opposite Cas. Embarrassment is rife on Dean's face but Sam is merciless in the face of Dean's wish to die. His mom looks pained on his behalf while Jess is in quiet fits of laughter.

"Imagine getting to the bottom of the stairs to mom and Jess standing awkwardly looking at your door. And when I asked one of them to call you about breakfast, getting a blush from my girlfriend that you sounded _occupied_."

Cas actually snorts into his coffee before covering his mouth from bubbling laughter. Dean can feel a look of betrayal growing on his face.

"I heard you. _From the bottom of the stairs_ dude. I can't _unhear_ that." Sam looks disturbed and amused in halves. His mom finally interjects, waving Sam away while Jess wipes tears. Jess seems to soothe Sam's mental turmoil quite quickly despite his brother's dramatics.

Cas is smiling at him, eyes all soft and he feels a foot rubbing his calve under the table.

Dean flushes and looks away, feeling exposed in the moment. This is his reality now. He and Cas are attracted to each other. He just had sex with his best friend in his mother's house on Thanksgiving.

Dean thinks he understands now. The reason Cas would do this for him is obviously because he wants him too, like how Dean wants Cas. And they'd had sex.

He has no idea how it's going to impact their ability to be roommates and best friends but at the very least this development would add some pretty awesome perks to their fake boyfriends arrangement - after all, sex could cover 'boyfriends' or friends with benefits.

And he grins across at Cas, quite happy and sure he can make it through the rest of the day, hopefully with minimal embarrassment for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments loved, kudos welcome!  
> <3


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's emotional stuntedness catches up with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for being a couple of days late. I should have posted on Monday like I did for last chapter because I knew I was busy this week but procrastination won!
> 
> Also, any errors are mine as I did not have this chapter beta'ed. Please, onward and enjoy!

Dean's a coward. Apart from the one handjob he's worked himself up to giving - and that had felt kind of shitty to him afterward, the ulterior motive of wanting Cas to visit for Christmas so doing something he knew Cas would like... and he hadn't planned it like that, honest... he's not been initiating the sex, at all.

It wasn't that he didn't want to have sex with Cas because, Jesus if Thanksgiving weekend had done anything for him it had opened up a universe of possibility with Cas firmly at the center.

It was just that... something felt different. The kitchen incident in particular, as he had taken to calling it in his head, had been some hormonal outlier. Dean assumed it was leftover, pent up need from what had only been a frantic handie that had spilled over. They had returned home and one thing had led to another... It had felt unavoidable even in the moment, overcharged with Cas in his face, blue eyes darkened, asking again if he wanted this - like he would ever say no! 

He had turned and arched his ass to Cas' hard on and said yes - high on lust and temptation, and Cas had taken care of the rest. He had said yes, and please, a lot for the next hour until he had come on their inlaid cabinet door under the kitchen island, and Cas against his ass and thighs, sprawled across his back. It had been goddamn amazing.

But there was something in the air, heavy with expectation and he didn't know what... _it_ was.

He makes the decision without conscious thought that he's not going to initiate anything with Cas, he'll just wait. If the ball's in his court, Dean can't misstep, he can only respond to what Cas gives him.

Dean lasts up until Christmas Eve. Their living room office nook now sports a six foot Canadian pine with silver and green baubles and white lights but it doesn't feel Christmas-y. The mood is off and Dean wants it back to normal, or to at least feel like the celebratory holiday it is.

Cas had come home on a half day, that Dean had gotten completely off from the office because of Christmas break and since then had been morose, a sad frown on his face that was tearing Dean up.

"Dude, let's go out for drinks. Find the closest bar and get a little wasted. We don't have to get to the house until like one, two-ish." He declares it loudly, upbeat before pulling Cas' feet from where they were tucked under him. "It'll be fun."

He just gets a long-suffering look before Cas levels a serious, pensive look on him. "We have alcohol here. You bought three different types of eggnog too. Don't you think that's enough?"

"People and atmosphere Cas. Come on..." He almost says 'you can meet someone' before he swallows it back. The only sex he's had in the last two months has been Cas and he's surprisingly fine with that. He hasn't been fine with Cas bringing random dudes in their house though, so while the guy was entitled, Dean didn't have to put the idea in his head.

"Dean I'm not in the mood." Dean can hear the air quotes and he grins winningly, pulls Cas' legs straight across the couch to him and then straddles him. He sits on Cas' thighs easily and waits as he peers up at him, gaze quizzical behind his frames with confusion on his brow. "What do you want from me?"

"Come out and have fun with me." If his demand sounds like wheedling, it's only to combat the exhaustion he can hear in Cas' voice. He almost sighs the question and Dean hates the...the defeat in his tone. "We'll have fun I promise...please?"

Cas glares and Dean's smile turns unsure. Cas starts pulling his legs back and Dean has to move off or fall off. So he knew Cas had a weakness for him saying please... was it supposed to be used for sex only?

"I thought..." Cas ruffles his already disarrayed hair and Dean sits back into the couch and resists the urge to smooth it for him. "I thought, when we had talked at Thanksgiving that you understood this wasn't working? I don't want to keep pretending to be your boyfriend Dean."

"Then, then you don't have to pretend tonight. I just want to have fun with you tonight." Dean leans forward into Cas' space and allows his brain to shut down for a minute. He wants to wrap his arms around Cas and be close to him so he does. He wraps his arms around Cas’ neck and pushes into his space, against his body. He revels in the compact heat and how they fit together, just about perfect if he tucks his head in. When the tension leeches out of Cas and his hands rest lightly on his hips, Dean smiles into his cheek. "Come on Cas..."

"I can't do this... I can't keep doing this." The mutter into his neck is soft, sounds hurt and Dean leans back on his heels, earnest. He meets Cas' shuttered eyes and is worried, pleads with him when Cas looks away first.

"I swear on Sammy - okay Cas? We get through Christmas... we hang out with Sam and Jess for Old Years' and we can "break up" sometime before my birthday so it's not weird. You won't have to do this shit for me anymore... but I just, you know doing this means a lot Cas. I'm so glad I met you."

"Sometimes I really - you're impossible Dean." Dean's wide-eyed, stunned at the flat vitriol of Cas' muttered declaration before he looks up and pierces Dean with all the deepest blue his eyes are. "I'm..." Cas rubs his hands over his face frenetically, glasses pulled off. "You know what? Let's just go. Let's do this."

"You'll have fun, I swear." Dean says quickly, desperate for Cas to believe him. He feels like he's done something wrong - he isn't blind, he knows Cas isn't happy. He's just been assuming Cas will go along with the lie until Christmas and then just now tacked New Years' on there.

He'll stop this on New Year, Dean swore to himself.

When Cas comes out in just nice jeans and a hoodie he wants to tell him that outfit wasn't nearly cutting it but it feels like Dean's already on thin ice with getting his best friend to leave the apartment. But he's got on a nice olive green Henley he knows brings out his eyes, black jeans that hug him just right and a pair of combat boots because it makes him look hot and badass.

When he announces he's ready, swaggering into the room Cas just looks at him, a roving climb up his body and sighs heavily before standing. He's really going to have to do some cheering up, Christ. They have to use a taxi tonight but Dean doesn't mind and he uses the fact he doesn't have to drive to try to engage Cas.

He's just stream of consciousness yammering to find something Cas responds to, talking about work and the upcoming LARPing events with Charlie, to Christmas at his mom's - and he teases Cas' gift which, that gets a reaction from him finally, a lightening of his eyes and the tiniest curl of his lips before Dean says firmly that he obviously will find out what he's getting tomorrow because he's not spilling.

"Come on Cas." And it's easy to drag him from the cab, pulling with two hands clinging to Castiel's before he turns on his heel with a smile as something warm floods his chest at how Cas looks at their hands. 

He pulls him down the sidewalk to the joint that's a door down, holding his hand and doesn't shiver as Cas squeezes his fingers before lacing them together with his.

The next hour is a pleasant, happy blur. A bunch of other twenty and thirty-somethings are crammed into this bar too, enjoying Christmas Eve before the hectic rush of tomorrow. Dean enjoys his fair set of attention and preens under it but doesn't leave Cas. It's easy to get any attention off Cas too when he's facing him, and they're huddled together conspiratorial, with Dean's legs tangled with his on his bar stool. 

This, Dean had wanted this, he thinks, sitting on a bar stool with Cas next to him, leaned into his space smelling cologne and just Cas, as blue eyes darken and his smile widens slowly. He's barely tipsy cause he'd been nursing his two whiskeys before, he's sure, but when he says something that gets a soft laugh - the bare hint of a chuckle, but he can see teeth and Cas' head is tilted back, eyes shut... something in Dean's chest explodes.

He wants him, wants so bad he can taste it in the back of his throat like iron. He flits his eyes back to the mojito Cas had talked him into with accusing incredulousness but still snags it and downs the rest in one.

"Hey." When he drops the glass down and looks again, Cas is right there, watchful, soft eyes and open expression on his face as he gazes at Dean. 

He does not deserve that trust, Dean thinks as heat floods his body, twitching his cock to life. "Come on."

"What?" There's the barest blink of confusion but Cas slides off his own stool behind Dean when he takes his hand again and pulls him with the unerring determination of a launched missile for the men's bathroom.

Cas slows once they're through the door and then starts to give resistance, planting his heels as Dean stalks the length of the bathroom for an empty stall. Only two are in use actually but he goes to the end for the disabled and sends an apology out to the universe because he's about to be 'that' asshole - but this is an emergency.

"Dean," Cas' voice is all deep warning that he blows through, stepping in and physically pulling Cas like a stubborn sack into the larger stall with him before closing the door and engaging the lock behind him. "Dean."

He's breathing a bit hard as he steps into Cas' space and anticipation and lust are fucking blinding because he's got hands on Cas' buckle, ripping through button and zipper before he even thinks to tilt his head up and get Cas' mouth.

The first kiss is hot, hungry and Dean moans into it, his hands fumbling now because Cas is drinking his concentration out through his mouth in increasingly forceful kisses.

"Goddamn it Dean. Please." He likes how raw Cas sounds, gravelly low pleading. It's hot as fuck and he moans and bites kisses into Cas' jaw, sucking a mark high up on the hinge below his ear and reveling in the groan he gets as Cas clacks his head against the stall wall.

"I got you Cas. Fuck." It's just a minute, but it feels like the longest minute of his life watching his clumsy ass hands trying to get Cas out of his fucking jeans. He can feel Cas shaking against him and wonders what he's feeling as Dean kisses him, slick and breathless one more time before going to the floor.

He gets on his knees pulling jeans and briefs down with him and fucking moans as Cas comes free. He hadn't seen while Cas was rutting him against his bedroom door and now he can and he's thick. Not overly long but mouth-wateringly thick and Dean wants that.

"Oh my God." There's a loud moan as Dean wraps his fingers around Cas, that he realizes belatedly is his. He whines soft, leaning in with his eyes slipping close and inhales musk and salt and sweat and Cas... when he rubs his cheek against Cas' erection he hears another dull thunk from above him but doesn't look up.

"Dean! _Fuck... Dean.... _" He moans around the cock he's got halfway in his mouth already and then does look up. Cas looks wrecked, hunched forward so he can watch, pupils blown and plush reddened lips spread in awe. He whines around Cas cock, stroking him in his fist and pulls another ragged whispered 'fuck' from his best friend. Goes further and loosens his jaw, wants to take him even further.__

__Bobs instead, strokes with his hand and breathes through his nose until he's got a nice rhythm and prepped himself. Jesus it's been a while since he wanted someone's cock down his throat. But it's like riding a bicycle, until he can go deeper, doesn't even need his hand anymore._ _

__"Oh my... huuuuuh!" That deliciously punched out sound from Cas accompanies Dean getting him to the back of his throat, nose in Cas' short hairs and he moans loudly and swallows, throat flexing. " _Shit..._ " _ _

__Cas' breathy expletive is an aphrodisiac that has him shifting on his knees for relief. He huffs air and strains forward until he gags, pulling off with a loud gasp, fingers flexing urgently against Cas' ass. Dean licks around his lips and swallows reflexively before taking a breath and going again. Cas takes up a stranglehold on his hair in two fists, sharply painful as he moans loud in the suddenly too quiet bathroom._ _

__Cas is all quivering thighs and jumpy ab muscles and Dean loves it. The stuttering aborted thrust he makes into his mouth that gags Dean makes his cock throb in his pants and he hums as he swallows desperately._ _

__"Yes...yes...yesyesyes..." Where he had clutched Cas close, urging him to use Dean's mouth, Cas had gentled his hands until he was almost frantically petting him. Dean withdrew from deep throating to a quick bobbing, slick slide because he wanted, now, and then he had._ _

__"Fuuucck!" Warmth in his chest, smug pride as Cas is as loud as he's managed to get him yet, and floods his mouth with salty, bitter come and Dean swallows, sucking softly. There's a long drawn out keen under the word, thunder-loud with the pounding of blood in Dean's ears as he finally pulls off and sits back on his heels, almost lightheaded with need._ _

__Cas looks debauched, fucking ravaged and still against the stall wall, the occasional tremor shaking him. Dean watches the way his eyes blink, like he's out of it when he bends shakily for his underwear and pants._ _

__"Dean..."_ _

__"I want you." He's kind of out of it himself, high on what they just did and still so fucking hard it physically hurts. Pulls himself up using Cas' body and suddenly warm strong hands are pulling him up, wrapping him up._ _

__"Home. Let's...go home."_ _

__He's never had a longer half hour in his life, Dean decides. On top of the ten minutes waiting for the ride, fucking hard in too-tight jeans, the two of them shiftily hovering near the door of the bar with an air of inevitability between them, there's the twenty minutes on a seat next to Cas with him kneading his thigh in the backseat while he tried not to hump air. By the time they're in the door of home, restraint is gone._ _

__"Cas, please." He gasps against Cas' mouth and tries to toe off his boots by the front door at the same time. He manages one and then Cas fists his hair to pull him away from kissing him roughly._ _

__When he goes down Dean uses his shoulders to brace on, lifting his foot as Cas frees him. Dean is breathless and drunk and horny and... he's swaying when Cas stands up._ _

__"Dean? Dean...fuck. Are you sober enough for this?"_ _

__"Oh m'god. Get me in your bed. I can still talk, I'm not that drunk." Cas is looking him over like he wants to be sure and Dean takes the moment to pull his shirt over his head and drop it on the floor. "Are you coming Cas?"_ _

__He says it deliberate and slow, walking past his own bedroom doorway and going in to Cas'._ _

__He's decided and all he can do is challenge Cas' indecision. The challenge is passed, or accepted maybe, when Cas steps in disheveled and wide-eyed and walks up to his bed that Dean has sprawled himself across._ _

__"Come on. Come on Cas." The husky plead of his voice and lifting his hips off the bed in a lewd thrust gets his roommate on him, straddled on his body and Dean is all bliss._ _

__"I think I'd follow you into Hell." Castiel kisses him, needy and deep and Dean drowns. He shuts his eyes and the next few minutes, hours, lifetime - is a blur of pleasure. Cas getting them both naked and then overwhelming him with his attention. Cas' mouth kisses and sucks and his hands, his fucking hands!_ _

__Dean comes apart under those hands._ _

__Cas is opening him up when Dean jackknifes, gasping loud, eyesight blurred - always so good! _So good_ to him, fuck._ _

__"God Dean you're gorgeous." He collapses back against the bed, moaning loudly and spreads his legs more, body naked and writhing for deeper, with Cas' two fingers knuckle deep in his slicked, stretched hole._ _

__"CasCasCas..." He lets his eyes shut again, just riding it out, riding Cas' fingers. There's an indeterminate time filled with just sharp flashes of pleasure that make him cry out and the wet heat of Cas' mouth and sensation flooding him from his extremities inward. He loves it, he fucking loves - !_ _

__And then Dean is coming, crying in breathless, gasping pants. Into Cas' mouth with one leg over his shoulder and three fingers up his ass and it's ecstasy. Twists and shouts when another intense orgasm rushes him from the relentless massage his prostate is getting, until his body is all tense and coiled before he goes fluttery weak._ _

__Cas releases his softening cock from his mouth and manhandles Dean until he can lie between the space of his legs and ruts, animal and loud until he comes all over Dean's pelvis._ _

__He's collapsed on and has no complaints, not a one as Cas pants against his chest._ _

__"God, love you. Fucking amazing." Dean breathes it, feeling so bonelessly limp all he wants to do is sleep. So he does._ _

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _

__

__Dean groans and burrows his head into the pillow, writhing languidly with sleep into warm sheets._ _

__That aren't his._ _

__Everything smells like Cas and that is what wakes him, going from sleepy relaxation to blinding, mindless panic, shooting upright in his roommate's bed._ _

__Fuck, what had he done?! Fuck , fuck!_ _

__The headache is secondary, he barely feels it because his first priority is to find Cas._ _

__He's not in bed with him and Dean's a little stupidly grateful he's not witnessing his meltdown, but - and he flushes after he lets out a soft huff when rolling over onto his ass makes him ache pleasantly._ _

__They had had sex again._ _

__He needs to make sure Cas is okay. He can remember in surround sound, in high definition everything at the bar, blowing Cas in the bathroom and even the ride home. After that gets choppy, hazy in places._ _

__He remembers telling Cas he wasn't too drunk to have sex, because he hadn't been. He had known exactly what he was asking for... he just shouldn't have been asking for it!_ _

__He remembers taunting Cas into bed with him, the thrill of Cas' body on his and kissing him again. Then it's fuzzy - mostly just the memory of sensations and when Dean looks down his body stretched out, he's in awe._ _

__There are marks all over him going faded pink that were probably red last night and ones deepening to a bruised almost purpling shade. His inner thighs especially and Dean chokes a noise as something else comes back - finishing in Cas' mouth while he fingered him open on a full stretch, which would explain the ache._ _

__He stares at flakes of dried bodily fluids on his stomach with a dazed amazement. He can't remember everything clearly but he's one thousand per cent sure he had some pretty awesome sex last night. They really need to stop doing that._ _

__But last night was definitely on him._ _

__All he has is last night's clothes and as stupid as it is, since his room is just back up the hall, he dresses and goes out in them, into the kitchen. Cas is just sitting on one of the island stools, a cup of coffee in hand, but when he looks up Dean freezes._ _

__"H-hey." He tries to hide a wince at how weak he sounds. Cas looks... normal. Bed-head, squinty without his glasses, in a T-shirt and boxers._ _

__"Hello Dean." He sounds eerily normal, Dean hesitates before continuing his slow journey to the sink. Maybe everything is okay, maybe they can just smooth this out by being casual about it...._ _

__"What do you remember?" Cas says calmly, almost inquisitive from behind his mug. Dean, who had just gotten his own from the draining tray, fumbles it and almost drops it with a strangled curse._ _

__"It's... I wasn't that drunk Cas. Jesus... I remember everything." He keeps his head low and pours his coffee._ _

__"Everything?" Cas asks with a careful heaviness._ _

__Dean swallows heavily, mind jumping back to the Uber ride what feels like forever ago but was only last month. He definitely had felt worshipped - had the marks all over to prove it. But he doesn't know about wrecked, feels more like he's ruined... for anyone else._ _

__"You, uh," He flushes up to his cheeks. "Definitely keep your promises." The only thing he hadn't done was eat him out but Dean was not, going to say that. He clears his throat awkwardly and looks into Cas' eyes, all honesty and regret. He searches for words through Cas' expression of bemused hurt. "I do things - say things, I shouldn't, when I'm buzzed and I'm... really, really sorry."_ _

__Cas is stunned - looks physically slapped before his face shutters suddenly. He leans back slightly, putting his cup down. "How much do you remember when you're supposedly hungover? I - I always assumed you... didn't remember what was said."_ _

__"Uh..." He doesn't like Cas' tone, suddenly filled with aggressive accusation. "I'm not a black out drunk Cas." He hopes this isn't something about his drinking because frankly he's been doing a lot less of it, with Cas around. Dean narrows his eyes, setting his own cup down with a loud clack. "I remember most of the night. If anything is lost, it's fuzzy more so than a loss of time."_ _

__"So you knew." Cas sits up ramrod straight, glares into Dean's face angrily and he's legitimately lost. And getting annoyed._ _

__"Knew what Cas? You're being vague as fuck here to be honest." Dean's tone is slightly clipped as he squints his eyes at Cas._ _

__"You knew I was attracted to you! Since before Thanksgiving." Cas presses despite the shock Dean can feel on his face. "You knew I had feelings for you and you still asked me to do this. You still - "_ _

__"What? You -" Cas what? What??_ _

__"I was - all over you, at that bar! You apparently, remember what I told you in the car!" He gets off the stool and Dean, still shocked, suddenly has a tremblingly angry man shouting at him. About having feelings for him..._ _

__He would have noticed! He knows when he's being hit on! And the time at the bar had been...he thought..._ _

__"I," Dean shakes his head, feeling molasses slow. "Thought, that at the bar you were just making a point. About... us having to get physical. I didn't..." He looks at Cas standing in front of him, clenched fists and shaking, blatant emotion on his face._ _

__Shit._ _

__"Making a point. Practically getting you off in a booth with five of our friends to make a point." Cas goes from simmering anger to dark, twisted amusement. "And last night... last night was just, what? Practice? Method acting?"_ _

__"Last night...I," They were good together. Like the sex was mind-boggling good. Last night had been Dean tipsy and Cas, his friend there looking at him with all that trust and affection - "I'm sorry - I didn't... know."_ _

__Didn't know he cared that much, that his feelings were so deep as that. Shit, how could he have not noticed?_ _

__Cas is just staring at him with a mute awed bafflement._ _

__"So, when you were saying... it wasn't that you didn't want to pretend to be my boyfriend... You meant you wanted to. I mean, for real." Cas just sort of narrows his eyes at him and Dean swallows any other stupid questions._ _

__"So it's just sex for you." Cas tilts his head and asks finally._ _

__"Not just - dude, that's not fair. You're my best friend. It was..." He had just felt in the moment at the bar, like he needed to be closer to Cas. Maybe, not the best way to be closer to someone you called your best friend but it was so easy with Cas. Just like how they lived together, were utterly natural with each other, and it wasn't weird... having sex with him hadn't felt weird either..._ _

__"Best friend with really good benefits." Cas shuts his eyes, voice flat. "I've got it perfectly clear now."_ _

__Dean is immobile and speechless, doesn't know what to say in the midst of this tragedy - and it's Christmas. It's fucking Christmas._ _

__"Obviously I'm not going with you to your mother's. Tell her whatever you like." Cas stalks away up the hall and Dean finally catches himself._ _

__"Wait! Cas - " He liked him. Cas must know that Dean liked him - he'd never... tried to define or label how he felt but you couldn't even live with someone if you didn't like them! And he's been playing pretend boyfriend with Cas and doing...real boyfriend things. Shit._ _

___Shit._ _ _

__"Oh shit." It hits him the same moment Cas' door slams shut and Dean flinches, his whole body going clammy cold._ _

__He likes Cas. Real boyfriend, likes Cas._ _

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Cas has a time-stamp mini-story for his issues with Dean that may be needed to spell out that Uber seduction...that will be posted eventually XD)
> 
> Comments welcomed, kudos loved <3

**Author's Note:**

> Comments loved, kudos welcome.  
> <3


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